a story about a girl and two boys – 2

It’s hard for me to stay away from you. To stop BBMing you, and to stop thinking about you when we’re finally not. I find myself wishing for mornings because that’s when I can finally talk to you again. It’s funny, but to spend the whole day just talking to you is the absolute highlight of my day.

I can’t remember the last time I felt this way. The uneasy feeling in my tummy whenever I think of you. The butterflies. You got me acting silly, laughing over my phone whenever you BBM me something funny, which you do a lot. And I don’t mind people’s stares, because they don’t know. They don’t understand how you make me feel. They don’t suppose to anyway.

You know how I feel, though. Although obviously of all people it’s you who get me the most, I still wonder how. Maybe it’s the many times I let my heart screamed it whenever we’re together. Or maybe you’re just one damn good mind reader, and my words deceived me so many times, they gave me away. I don’t know… But you do know how I feel. And sometimes I’m grateful that you do. It’s simply easier that way.

I wish I know how you feel. You give very little away, and maybe that’s because you’re smarter than me. But I wish I know how you really feel. I really wish I do.

I found myself wishing for morning again tonight. Lying in the bed with my back to my fiancée, I found myself thinking about what you said earlier today. We were joking and then I said something that got you really serious. You said that you’re sorry for putting me in such situation and maybe it would be best if you bow out. You apologized for coming in between me and the man I’m about to marry. I didn’t even realize it, but I cried reading your BBM. I went into the bathroom and then cried some more. I’m crying again right now. Silently. What you said broke my heart and I remember wanting to take back whatever I said that got us talking. I don’t even remember what it was but I recall having this surge of emotion, this need to hang on to whatever it is that we have. I just couldn’t let go. And that’s when I said I love you.

I didn’t just say it to stop you from taking a step back and close the door for good. I said it because that’s how I really feel, and I needed you to know for sure. To know it from me, with my own words. Now lying in bed with my back against my fiancée, I am mortified with guilt. What am I supposed to say to him? How can I tell him that I have fallen for another man? How can I make him understand that I don’t love him anymore? How did I turn into this selfish person whom thinks only about herself? Will it break his heart? Will he let me go?

There are so many questions racing in my mind, but I got really tired of trying to figure them out. I once again wish for morning. Now more than ever, I need morning to come quickly. Because that’s when I’ll get to find you. And I know I’ll be alright. After all, you did say “I love you too”.

a story about a girl and two boys – 1

A girl fell in love with a boy.
Because the boy was intriguing – for he was never short of tricks and stories and jokes.
They were always very happy.
A real happiness and not just a façade others use to put up for the world to see.

Days went by. Months turned to year.
The girl got bored – not because she didn’t love the boy anymore.
But because what was intriguing became a mere routine.
The boy ran out of tricks, stories, and jokes, and he stopped trying.
The girl tried opening his eyes but then she got tired of caring.
They were about to get married just because it was what was supposed to happen after years of being in a relationship – when the girl met a new boy.

The new boy was buoyant and fun – just exactly how the old boy was when they first met.
The girl was once again intrigued.
And to her surprise the new boy was as intrigued as she was.
They started talking and laughing – and the old boy was left behind.

The girl – torn in two – decided to be brave and give the new boy a chance – left the old boy at the altar.
Ridden with guilt, albeit happy with the new boy, she was never truly over how she broke her old boy’s heart.

Twenty years after that fateful day, the girl saw the old boy walking down the streets.
He was chatting with a young boy when he spotted her.
With a big smile on his face he introduced the young boy, “my eldest son” he said.
They decided to have coffee and the young boy excused himself politely.
She finally got her chance to apologize but he waved his hand and shook his head.
He said that he was very much in love with his wife and family and he might not had that if she hadn’t left.
He was finally thankful that she did.

Pleasantries were exchanged and goodbyes were said.
They were finally now at peace.

Truth might hurt, but it is always best to tell it as it is.
The girl and the boy learnt it the hard way.
But if they didn’t, they would have walked straight into a miserable life together, and wouldn’t it be just unfortunate.

Happiness is how you make it. How brave you make it.
The girl is now 65. She is still much in love with her new boy whom is now her husband.
They never had kids – just how she always wanted.
But she is happy. She truly is.